i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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