well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
