found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
