we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
