I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
