Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
