I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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