I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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