Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize