Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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