he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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