just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
