Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I won the penis lottery.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
