Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
