making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
