i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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