Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We have started to decorate penises.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
