Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
