took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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