Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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