so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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