my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
