I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
