My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
zippers are such a cool invention
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
