your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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