I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
