Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
