We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
