i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
