So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
