quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
