I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
