my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
