for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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