i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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