Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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