"it" just moved
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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