he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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