I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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