But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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