Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
