careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
