She is in my trunk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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