dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
