Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
