also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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