Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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