That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
