So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My cat gives me a boner
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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