He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
