you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
