3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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