If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
