Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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