awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
