i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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