What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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