I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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