we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
