i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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