1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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