Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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