i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
