just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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