bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
