I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I touched a dick in church today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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