Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i drank out of a bidet.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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