This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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