So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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